Full Contact Parenting

March is smack dab in the middle of the birthdays of my two bookend children. The last Thursday of January my youngest turned 11…the last Thursday of May my eldest will turn 17. And three months after that my middle one turns 15. How did this happen? Where has the time gone? Some days I could not tell you, even if I tried.

I do remember vividly the day each of my daughters were born. That is etched in my mind and on my heart. Each one was amazing and special, never surpassed by any other. How can that be? I don’t know, but each of my girls is as unique and different as any flower that grows in my garden, yet they are very similar.

Every birthday, I am asked, “Tell me about the day I was born.”…and so I pause, smile, and remember something both beautiful and heart-breakingly sad. This happens whenever I revisit the day each of the girls came into my life, for my life was different then and it has since taken a turn quite unexpected.

I recall for each one the story of her birth, the joy and anticipation her father and I shared as we waited and prepared for her coming. Once we waited well past the due date and another time we were shocked by a three weeks pre-term delivery. The last time the birth came only a week early, but even that has its own unique twist. Each story is filled with love and a desire to fulfill our dream of a family.

I love this little tradition they have led me to continue…sharing the story with each one, letting her know she was planned, wanted and hoped for eagerly. I think that is important when a child grows up in a divided home. They often wonder why they were even born, if their parents cannot love each other forever.

My first marriage was indeed a tragic failure, but from that tragedy came three lovely and wonderful children, and that has made it all worth while…because of my girls I know I would go through it all again, knowing everything I know now. No way it could have been a mistake, not with the likes of those three.

After nearly 17 years of being a stay-at-home mom, I am making a change…or at least I am trying to. I have been interviewing for jobs and it appears things are going in the direction of an offer. If all goes well, within two to three weeks I will join the ranks of full time working mothers.

And boy, do I have a lot going on inside my head. I am nervous and anxious, but I am also very excited. I may have the opportunity to develop a real career for myself…I am 45 and have never really had a career. This is uncharted territory for me. I am really starting from scratch here…a late bloomer.

The excitement stems from the thrill of starting out, working hard and making a name for myself. I will be out in the world again and coming home with interesting things to share! I will be learning and experiencing all the time, and growing as a person….and I am terrified of how this will effect my family.

I am leaving my children after 16+ years of being the one constant in their lives, often during times of great stress and change. On my own, I learned to juggle three children and all that entails…today with my stepson added into the mix, that means three different schools starting and ending at two different times, after school activities often in opposite directions all at once, and lots of homework. The girls depend on me. They always know I am there…now that will change. They will have to learn to depend on someone else for their every day needs…their stepfather.

Unlike a lot of women returning to the workplace, I have the support of my husband…who is really proud of me and will be taking on a lot of responsibility, for all of us. In all honesty, if it were not for him there is no way I could do what I am doing…for many reasons. Of course I will be contributing financially to our family at a time when we really need it, but still my husband will be taking on full time responsibilities he has never had before now, not even for his own children.

Because my husband is willing and able, I will not have the added expense of child care, which would make my going back to work totally useless…after being away from the work place for so long, I am not what you would call a terribly high wage earner. I live half a country away from my family of origin and have absolutely no one near to lend a hand…no mother who can come and stay with the children while I am at work and pitch in with chores and driving…and certainly no money for a nanny or after school help.

I wonder how they will all fare…will they miss me? Will they adapt and pitch in when needed? Will they rise to the occasion? Will they drive each other nuts, since they are not a family by blood but by marriage? Will they all hate and resent me before the first year is over?

Only time will tell.

We are a blended family, but three out of the four children in our home are mine. When we married three years ago, I continued my stay-at-home role while my husband worked to develop several businesses. He works from home, so it is convenient if I am in a jam, but I am the one who gets up with the children, makes sure they eat breakfast, pack a lunch and get to school on time. I am the one who has juggled four children’s after school activities - often in three different places at the same time - not to mention their homework. Plus all the other stuff we do while “staying at home”.

Soon I will leave our home at 6:55am and return some 11 to 12 hours later. And it will be my husband who will be the one to make sure the children get to school on time, get where they need to be afterward, and make sure homework gets started and something is completed before I come home for dinner.

Today was a big eye opener for me. It became crystal clear. I am one lucky chick. I have a husband who has taken on far more than he realized three years ago…four females who had basically been on their own since long before I was separated. We never really had anyone we knew 100% we could count on. Now I am preparing to walk out that door, leave them all behind, and he is going to take the reins and be the parent for all of them…his son and my three girls. Plus he will continue to work to develop his business.

I hope I am doing the right thing.